I Feel You
by Sntr P Amidala
Summary: Obidala songfic. After hearing that Queen Amidala is coming to pay him a visit, Obi-Wan finds it hard to sleep. This short fic recounts his sleepless night of reflection.


Summary: Obidala songfic. After hearing that Queen Amidala is coming to pay him a visit, Obi-Wan finds it hard to sleep. This short fic recounts his sleepless night of reflection.  
  
Disclaimer: The song is "I Feel You" by Depeche Mode. It's a lovely song, I suggest you give it a listen. Lucas owns everything else. I am merely borrowing them for a spell. I'll give 'em back, I promise. ;)  
  
Author's Note: Please read and review. I love reviews. (  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ I feel you Your sun, it shines I feel you Within my mind ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Obi-Wan walked through the halls of the Jedi Temple. It was late, but sleep had not yet found him and he felt as if he would go out in search of it. A late night walk and avid reflection did good to soothe a restless soul.  
  
But who was he kidding? It was her he felt. It was her memory, the scent of her imprinted on some elusive structure within his nose so that whenever he recalled her, he could almost smell the mixture of sweetness and spices. He recalled the way her hair tousled so delicately over her shoulders when she let it hang loose, which was rare. A rarity he'd been lucky enough to witness on several occasion when she'd shed her Royal skin and just let herself be Padmé, the woman he loved.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ You take me there You take me where My Kingdom comes ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yes, he'd realized it by now. It had come as a shock when he finally admitted it to himself. It had been some time after he'd left Naboo to begin training Anakin. He found that he missed her immensely. After she'd spoken to him about Qui-Gon's death, she'd seemed to quell all his loneliness and sadness. He still grieved for his Master, of course, but she had made the process much less painful. That conversation had changed his life.  
  
"We all loose someone dear to us, some more than others. But from their life, we take the things they teach us and they live on. And Master Qui- Gon left quite a bit of himself in you."  
  
He heard her soft voice in his head as if she were right beside him. As he reflected on this, he emerged into the glass corridor of the Temple, which he was rather fond of. His arms were folded before him in typical Jedi fashion, hands hidden within the sleeves.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ You take me to And lead me through Babylon ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She was coming soon, to Coruscant, and he would be able to see her again. He would be able to lay eyes upon that pale, yet illuminated face, highlighted with perfect pink lips that he- all too often- dreamt about. He now shook his head a bit as he continued on his walk.  
  
It wasn't right, this he'd known. A Jedi shall know no love, as his training had often reminded him. But it was difficult not to fall in love with one so giving, one so full of passion and so eager to give her own heart away to others.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ This is the morning of our love This is the dawning of our love ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She'd left him a holo-message telling him she was coming, telling him she wished to see him. She had not been to Coruscant in a long while. He remembered seeing her face on the hologram. She had shed her make-up and was dressed rather informally. He liked her better that way, her natural face and casual clothes brought out more of her beauty.  
  
He'd almost lost his breath when she'd begun speaking in the message. And it was only for him, his personal message. Though, she had mentioned Anakin and asked to see him as well. The boy would certainly be happy. He'd often commented on her and soon after given a curious look to the blush on his Master's cheeks. But his apprentice was far too young, still only 11 and in heavy training with Master Yoda and other Padawans his age. Obi-Wan would have the pretty Queen all to himself and this terrified him and excited him all at once.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ I feel you Your heart it sings I feel you The joy it brings ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What would he do? What could he say? She was there on business, he was merely a sidetrack, nothing more; a friend visiting a friend. But was it only friendship she felt for him? The last time he'd seen her, that night he left Naboo, she'd seemed so sad. He felt the longing in her for him to stay. She'd grown attached to Anakin as well. But with himself, he'd felt a difference within her. She'd almost cried when they said goodbye under the moonlit skies of Naboo, on the royal balcony overlooking the waterfalls. It was all very romantic, now that he recalled it, but he could not think of anything but leaving her at that moment. And his heart broke to go, but orders were orders. He had a duty and he could not give those up for a woman.  
  
"I will miss you Jedi Kenobi. I hope this will not be our last meeting."  
  
She was the Queen that night, but in her eyes he saw Padmé. She was not just a woman, she was nothing so trivial, so ordinary. She was so many things to him and now he would be faced with her again, the object of his desire, his need.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ Where Heaven waits These Golden Gates And back again ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He now stood near the wall of the glass hallway and stared down into other rooms of the immense Jedi Temple. Though, he was not really looking at anything in particular. All he could see was Padmé's face. She sounded so happy in the holo-message. She tried to be formal, but it seemed she could not hide her excitement.  
  
Just months after he had left Naboo she'd sent him a letter. He saved it and still kept it with his small collection of treasured items, the pebble Qui-Gon had given him on his thirteenth birthday, a small leaf from Shekila (a planet Qui-Gon had taken him too in their travels), and a number of other trinkets. The letter had been concerned with him, very little of her own life went into it. They'd written back and forth for a time, but each had become too busy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ You take me to And lead me through Oblivion ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Obi-Wan let a small sigh escape him now. With Padmé would come complications. Could he really hide his feelings, as he had managed to do for so long? He would continue to live the lie that he had become accustomed to for so long. He'd denied all he ever felt for her by simply keeping it to himself.  
  
Obi-Wan was never one to break the rules. After Qui-Gon had taken him as an apprentice, he'd vowed to do his best to become a true Jedi. He knew it was hard for Qui-Gon to trust another Padawan, after everything that had happened with his first student. He knew he had to show his Master he could succeed, and succeed he did. Obi-Wan was well respected in the Temple, in the Order. He'd earned everyone's trust and admiration by simply doing his best to abide and live by the Code.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ This is the morning of our love It's just the dawning of our love ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Jedi Code, above all things, he had taken seriously all his life. Like nothing else, the Order had made an impact on him. The Jedi were his family, his friends, his teachers. They had taken him in and given up all their knowledge to him, just one person. Very few people understood the Jedi. Very few people understood him. But Padmé did. He felt in his heart she knew him for who he really was. "A hopeless fool," he whispered to himself and let another sigh pass through his dry lips.  
  
But when he was with her, she made him feel as if they were the only two beings in the room. It was as if all time and space stopped simply for them. Maybe it was only that was for him. Maybe he was the only one who felt such a dramatic pause in his existence.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ I feel you Your precious soul And I am whole ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He had courage enough to fight Blood Carvers(1) and battle Starfighters. He could face a barrage of destroyer druids and battle tattooed Sith, but he could not bring up the courage to tell her how he felt. But, of course, the matter would not be that simple. There would be repercussions that could affect them both.  
  
Expulsion from the Order was not something he was ready to face. However, living without the love of his life was something he also doubted being able to handle for long. He wished he could talk to someone, and receive some sound advice. But who? In the past, he'd always found comfort in speaking with master Yoda, but this was different. Master Yoda would never approve of this. And why should he? This was completely forbidden.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ I feel you Your rising sun My Kingdom comes  
  
I feel you Each move you make I feel you Each breath you take ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Obi-Wan's mind was made up. He would see the Queen of Naboo in her chambers tomorrow. He would speak with her as one friend would speak to another, just as they always have. He had to stop this infatuation.  
  
What good would it do a Queen to be romantically involved with a Jedi anyhow? He would bring her more trouble than good. A good number of individuals would want to get even with a Jedi, and what better way than to harm someone he loved. No, he had to stop this for her sake, as well as his.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ Where angels sing And spread their wings My loves on High  
  
You take me home To Glory's throne By and By ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
She'll go back to Naboo and he'll stay here or get sent off on some mission. Things must go on as they are now. It is the Will of the Force. Perhaps, that was the worst part of it. Perhaps, that is what bothered him the most. Somehow, he knew, he just knew that he and Padmé were not meant to be. At least, not right now.  
  
But then, how could the Force allow him to love her so? If they were not destined to be together in the grand scheme of things, what point would there be in allowing a love to exist between them? It seemed cruel, unnecessary. But the Force was never a nursemaid (1) and it worked its way around individual's lives, pointing them in certain directions and steering them away from others. Ultimately, the decisions lay with the subjects.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ This is the morning of our love This is the dawning of our love This is the morning of our love It's just the dawning of our love ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Obi-Wan arrived back at his small, humble room after walking for hours. A few more hours were left in the evening. He could sleep for a short time. And soon, he would see her again. He would play things by ear. The Force would guide him, as it always had. There was no haste to make decisions just now.  
  
"Tomorrow, Obi-Wan," he whispered to himself, "there is always tomorrow."  
  
~*~The End~*~  
  
  
  
1. Taken from Greg Bear's Star Wars: Rogue Planet 


End file.
